Some Irish Villages Resorting To Cannibalism As Power Yet To Be Restored After Storm Darragh

DESPITE ESB repair crews’ best effort, a significant number of people in Ireland still remain without power in the aftermath of Storm Darragh with worrying reports many have resorted to cannibalism.

“You got a phone charger? I’ll such your dick for a little phone juice. Please, I’m desperate,” said one internet-deprived Waterford resident seconds into losing power during Storm Darragh, and the social cohesion and civility has only fractured further since then plunging some villages into a more-lawless-usual nightmare.

“Ah look, we actually had a load of pre-cooked meals and that so we were fine for food but I thought this storm might be my only excuse to try human flesh,” said one Galway resident feasting on his neighbour’s arm, having just endured close to 30 hours without power.

This man is not alone, as it is estimated nearly 3,000 rural Irish villages now resemble some sort of zombie apocalypse movie on steroids.

“I wouldn’t mind only we had got in extra stock and hired a generator,” said one rural take away that actually suffered a dip in business as panicked locals never considered checking in, instead choosing to immediately resort to cannibalism.

“It’s got so bad Donal Skehan has rushed out a cannibal recipe book for the Christmas,” said one ESB worker who had his leg gnawed off as he was halfway up a pole fixing an electrical fault.

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