Parents Counteract Child Dropping Hints About Xmas Presents By Dropping Hints They’re Broke As Fuck

“OH TWO can play that game motherfucker” confirmed stressed and broke parents Martin and Fiona Larkan, responding to their eldest child’s increasing number of outlandish hints and requests relating to this year’s Christmas presents.

“Bless him, we’d love to get him nice things but he’s overdoing it with the PS5 and SIX feckin’ games,” confirmed Fiona, who has taken to leaving the couple’s shrinking bank balance statements out on the kitchen table for Fiachra (11) to read.

Martin has undertaken the more demanding role when it comes to acting, taking to crying when in the car with Fiachra when the petrol gauge flitters near empty.

“Yeah, acting, that’s it,” confirmed Martin who has taken to plugging the TV out during ad breaks to save on electricity bills.

Not alone this Christmas, the Larkans are believed to part of a growing number of parents who resort to interrupting ‘the magic of Christmas’ with the occasional ‘do you have any idea how much the fucking magic of Christmas is costing us’ lectures when a child asks for €3,000 worth of presents.

“You see, this is just a foundational tenet of negotiating. You start with an obscenely large ask and by the time the other party brings you down by 30% or so they think they’ve won. But this was the plan all along,” explained Fiachra, who in asking for a trip to a Premier League game knew he was really guaranteeing a football jersey and training top.