“There’s Suspended Sentences For Everyone In The Audience”: What Having An Irishman As EU Commissioner For Justice Means

MICHEAL MCGRATH’S EU Commissioners role has been confirmed and some Europeans will be wondering what to expect from an Irish commissioner for Justice.

When it comes to upholding laws, a system overseen by an Irish person may take some getting used to:

McGrath’s first act will be to reverse the decision to give Ireland the €13bn in unpaid tax it is owed from Apple.

If that confuses you, just wait until you hear what sentences sex offenders will (won’t) get.

While it is up to McGrath as commissioner to uphold and implement judgements by European courts if any local sport stars are caught in the crosshairs you’ll have to get used to the law not applying to them.

Take it that all road traffic related laws are very much placed in a special ‘rural black hole’ for any low-population density regional areas.

Are you a transcontinental European company caught in breach of employment law or have you emptied nuclear waste into the Danube? Never fear, as we introduce you to something called a ‘character reference’, come to court with of these bad boys and McGrath will be unable to do a thing.

If anyone is the victim of horrible acts carried out by the State, a religious order or organisation don’t take phrases like ‘victims will receive justice and redress’ too seriously. And if that statement comes with a ‘by the end of the year’ just go and ahead presume it’ll take decades.

One of the Commissioner’s responsibilities will be tackling ‘foreign interference’ so you probably shouldn’t have high hopes on this front, considering Ireland leaves it to the British air force and navy to patrols its skies and seas.

Go ahead and change whatever passwords he’s put in place too because the word ‘password’ is most definitely the only thing standing between Vladimir Putin and all data held on EU citizens.