Man’s Masculinity Left Shattered As He Repeatedly Fails To Get Barman’s Attention

ON WHAT was a promising first date, local man Kevin Shields’ masculinity lies in tatters and his confidence ransacked after repeated failed attempts to get the barman’s attention.

“Ah I was in the zone! Quips flying out of my mouth, I couldn’t believe it. She was massively into me, all before my stupid offer to get the next round,” an animated Shields said.

The next round, typically a straightforward transaction which involves calling or nodding to a barman lasted 7 agonising minutes as Shields’ was passed over again and again, as other bar patrons loomed over him waving their hands and securing their orders.

“The colour drained from my face, my voice suddenly sounded so shrill and frail. You can say ‘I’m sure she didn’t care’ all you like but the horny want in her eyes was gone long, long before I got to say ‘two porn star martinis pal, sound’,” shared Shields, commiserating with friends the next day, as he picked apart

“I would have been quicker getting served if I emigrated to Australia and walked to a pub in the middle of it,” Shields shared, rounding on himself and cursing the belligerent barman.

“And you know the worst thing is I think he did it on purpose, he clocked we were on a date, this close to ripping each others clothes off and he fucking ruined it on me,” explained Shields, who left out the detail about screaming ‘look me in the eyes barman, you fucking prick’, prompting his date to fabricate a text from a friend who needed help replacing batteries in her TV remote.