Fine Gael Confirm Zero Tolerance Policy For Violence In Ireland Except In Cases Involving Their Own Senator


A NUMBER OF high profile cases before the courts recently regarding violent attacks has led Fine Gael to reiterate its pride at being Ireland’s party of law and order, with the exception of when one of their own is ordered to pay €39,000 in civil court for assaulting a man.

“Violent attacks have no place in civil society… unless the perpetrator serves as a sitting senator for Fine Gael then we’re pretty flexible on the whole thing,” confirmed a Fine Gael spokesperson on saying one thing and doing another.

Taoiseach Simon Harris spoke forcefully in the Dáil about the long overdue reckoning needed over male perpetrated violence in remarks that will look really impressive when put into bite-sized clips for sharing on social media.

“Every time you see or hear misogynistic behaviour or commentary, call it out. Do not stay silent. Silence can be perceived as agreement,” the Taoiseach said in his speech, while staying silent on John McGahon’s assault of a man outside the pub after the man came to the aide of his wife who McMahon was badgering.

Upon taking the Taoiseach at his word, the Irish public has been labelled ‘foolish’ for expecting such sentiments to apply to Fine Gael party members.

“Ah now c’mon, that’s a civil case, whole different ball game. And it’s not like he had any previous,” a party spokesperson said of a senator known to many as the same person who was seen in a photo from a musical festival anally penetrating a sleeping man with a Twix bar in a classic case of ‘banter’.