Meet The Team Behind 6-Year Report Into Garda College Fraud

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WWN secured an exclusive interview with the Garda Síochána Ombudsman Commission (GSOC) team behind the six year and three month long investigation into financial irregularities at the garda college in Templemore.

“Six years is actually record quick time for us,” said one sloth, Sylvia, working at GSOC during our 18 hour walk to a photocopier just four metres away from her desk.

Using public money to fit out privately owned shops, renting out land it did not own, running 50 bank accounts and a garda laundry account used for payment of bonuses, loans to staff and the funding of entertainment and sporting expenses are just some of the allegations investigated by the team.

“You know how it is, you sit down at the desk only to realise you left your stapler across the office and by the time you gone to get and come back, four months have gone by” added a second sloth, Steve, of the time it has taken to conclude a report into millions of euro going ‘missing’ some of which came from European Union funding.

“The report? Sure I’ll show you, hang on let me get that up on the desktop here, I’ll grab the mouse… and, bare with me… one sec now… you know what – you head home, raise your kids and then come back to me. Guarantee I’ll have dragged that mouse cursor across double clicked this file by then,” confirmed Steve.

The swift work of Sylvia and Steve has meant that a file has now been sent to the DPP eight years after a garda whistleblower brought the goings on to the attention of senior gardaí.

“We will make this our priority at the DPP,” confirmed one DPP official Trevor, an arthritic tortoise who has just this very moment stepped in some quick drying cement.

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