New STD Test Kit Company Delivers Results To Your Workplace Via Brass Band

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SEEKING to set themselves apart from the crowd of similar companies offering home STD kit tests, Irish business ResultKit have launched a fun new service which sees a brass band coming to your place of work to give you the good or bad news.

“It’s just such a serious and boring industry we wanted to stand out from the crowd, y’know innovate don’t stagnate. And so the band was born. This is Dave he’s on gonorrhea trumpet, Emer is on syphilis sax, Will is the preeminent genital herpes French horn player we have,” explained ResultKit founder Andrew Dowling.

Dowling explains that each instrument has been designated an STD therefore when a customer hears that instrument take a solo when they burst into their place of work, they have their diagnosis.

“It’s a bit of pizzazz that the home STD kit testing industry has been missing, a confirmation text or email feels very impersonal, too private and discreet,” added Dowling, who doubles up on orchestral percussion cymbals whenever someone is getting Hep C news.

So far, ResultKit only has happy customers.

“Despite the knob rot diagnosis I didn’t have time to feel sad because they was a brass band marching through the office, it broke up what was otherwise a very boring performance view with my boss. And it killed two birds with one stone because we’d had sex last month so technically it was her news too,” said customer Niall Bollins.

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