Relief For Local Man As That’s The Last He Has To Hear About Women’s World Cup

ONE LOCAL man who has lived a nightmare existence in which he has been subjected to the occasional advert acknowledging that the Women’s World Cup is taking place can finally breathe again after the elimination of the Irish team.

“Thank God that’s all over, I’m finally free,” said John Roundtree, who was terrorised by a procession of endless horrors including the football being mentioned in passing on the radio in the morning and by his wife and daughter at the dinner table.

Ireland’s 2-1 loss saw Adriana Leon added to the list of the nation’s footballing enemies which includes Toto Schillaci, Thierry Henry and John Delaney while a new generation of Irish people partook in the rites of passage that is major sporting heartbreak.

All something Roundtree claims he was forced by gunpoint to watch every minute of or face certain death.

“Every day was the same hell, I’d be woken up by sirens loudly bellowing ‘Women’s World Cup’, then the door would be broken down and a gang of lady footballers would clamp my eyelids open and force me to watch it all,” Roundtree added.

Confident in the fact that the tournament which has set a record for ticket sales and worldwide TV audiences will immediately fade into the background, Roundtree is just glad he has life back.

“My desk at work was replaced a giant cut out of Katie McCabe, I was replaced by Katie McCabe. My local Spar wouldn’t serve me until I said ‘All Hail Women’s Football’, I went to the cinema to watch Oppenheimer but they just showed the Canada match instead. This is the end of it now,” Roundtree said, who admitted he would miss one thing from the tournament.

“My derogatory snipes at women’s football any time I heard someone enthusiastically talk about women playing sport were the best part of my day”.