Irish Politicans Promise To Get Back To Housing, Health Crises When They’re Done Licking Biden’s Hole


“ALRIGHT, quit your feckin’ moaning, can’t you see we’re busy drooling like extras from The Quiet Man here” barked assembled Irish politicians from all sides as the Irish public asked when this holiday, they were all on for Joe Biden’s visit would be ending.

While Biden stated his appreciation for the fact his hole would never be dry again such was the dedicated and sustained licking it is getting from Irish politicians and media, the Irish public being the killjoys they are continued to ask questions about the ongoing crises in the country.

“Shush don’t be embarrassing us, look there’s a US Senator, like out of the movies!” fawned every politician has they formed an impromptu scrum in a bid to get a selfie that would become their Facebook profile pic for the next decade.

“What’s the thing called, ‘HSE waiting lists?’ Never heard of it but yeah, I’ll look into if you’ll leave in peace. There’s clapping at speeches, raising glasses at banquets to be done now feck off,” confirmed every politician that was cornered by a member of the public.

“Ok so the guards are so stretched it takes three days for them to turn up after you say you’ve been robbed and then they’re just arrive to say there’s nothing they can do for you, and yes we found oodles of overtime pay for them to stand on every street corner in Dublin City while Joe is here, what’s your point?” barked one TD who was due to present Biden with the award for most Catholicky Irishy American President Since JFK Award.

UPDATE: the government has confirmed it told the homeless people around Phoenix Park to clear out, what more do you people want?