Xi Tells Putin There’s Plenty Of Room In Uyghur Camps If He Needs It


IT’S day two of the bilateral meeting between Russian leader Vladimir Putin and Chinese leader Xi Jinping and things couldn’t be going better as focus shifted to their mutual love of practicing their evil laughs.

“Oh, you do that in the mirror too? I thought I was the only one,” Xi said, as the formalities of the meeting fell away and were replaced by just two guys being dudes.

“Yes! I’m so hyped for the new season of Succession, those Roy kids – ungrateful brats to the max, am I right?” Putin said, as the two found they had more and more in common.

“Stop me if you want but crazy idea!” continued Xi, “but you know the way the ICC are charging you with war crimes for kidnapping thousands of Ukrainian citizens, including kids… what if you just put them in my camps”.

Taken aback by such a generous gesture, Putin raised his hands in mock resistance as his eyes welled with tears.

“Locking up dissenters and people your disturbing paranoia tells you are the enemy, now you’re talking my language. This is like the nicest thing anyone has tried to do for me, I’m touched,” Putin said.

As the talks progressed into the night, Putin and Xi took to erecting a pillow fort, wearing matching pyjamas and gossiping.

“Okay, let’s see if we’re thinking the same thing. I’ll count to three and then we both just say what’s on our mind,” a giddy Putin said holding a flashlight which had been illuminating the blueprints for a Uyghur camp.

“Moscow-Beijing Axis!” both leaders said at the same time, prompting squeals of delight and offers of mutually beneficial supports for all current and potential annexations and invasions of sovereign nations.