“You Can’t Make Us” Defence Forces Object To Leaving Golan Heights For The Burkes

THE 130 Irish defence forces personnel who are being withdrawn from the contentious Syrian/Israel flashpoint of Golan Heights are refusing to leave after the government revealed the peacekeeping forces would be attached to a mission designed to keep peace among Castlebar natives, the infamous Burke family.

“I’m not going anywhere, you can’t make me,” said one solider, pulling the pin from a grenade and threatening to let go of its handle if he is forced to serve in the heart of the Burke battleground.

“Give me the simmering territorial tension in the Middle East over that lot any day,” added another, risking being court martialed for his insolence.

A hostile terrain and the scene of a long simmering religious conflict, the Burke family is the mission no UN peacekeeper stationed in Golan Heights wanted.

“At least with the ISIS lads, the Al-Nusra Front and the IDF you can crack a joke every now and then as you keep the peace, but these lads have had a humour bypass,” remarked one hardened veteran of overseas missions.

Despite government’s promises to pay soldiers slightly above minimum wage, the peacekeepers have double down on their insistence that it was inhumane to subject them to such irritating conditions.

Meanwhile, armies around the world have confirmed they have gathered recordings of the Burke family hectoring people with the intention of using it to torture prisoners of war.