“Eviction Ban Lifted Because We Have No Idea What We’re Doing & Have No Discernible Plan”

“YEAH, it’ll probably result in more homeless people as well but sure what can you do,” confirmed the Minister for actual Housing Darragh O’Brien in TV interviews, given in the wake of the government lifting the eviction ban.

The government had confirmed that they came to end the eviction ban after consulting a number of homeless charities and housing bodies and ignoring them when they said it would result in increased homeless numbers.

“We’re probably going to give €800mn in tax breaks to landlords too, you know – social welfare for people who love to say they’ve never received a cent of State support in their lives,” continued O’Brien.

“You probably can’t tell but we’re sort of making it up as we go along, we’ve no plan. No, really, I know it’s hard to believe,” added O’Brien, before unveiling his latest innovative solution – forcing landlords selling up to give tenants first refusal on buying the property they were unable to save a deposit for due to paying rent which is double the size of any mortgage repayment.

O’Brien was careful not to rule out bringing an eviction ban back if thousands more people are made homeless while adding further plasters in the form of tax rebates for renters, money back for First Time Buyers and continuing to build absolutely no social housing.

Elsewhere, one of Robert Troy’s tenants, presumed to run into the thousands of people, said they feared an eviction letter could be imminent while another person was confused after receiving an eviction letter from a man named Neil O’Connor in Limerick.