OMG Cringe, People Before Profit Think Sinn Féin Are Their Friends


DESCRIBED as a still unfolding, intensely embarrassing situation that can only result in major egg on their faces, the People Before Profit party are under the impression Sinn Féin will genuinely consider their proposal to form a ‘left alliance’ for future elections and rule out forming a coalition with either Fianna Fáil or Fine Gael.

“Oh God I can’t look, they’re doing it, they’re going up to them,” said an eye-witness watching through their fingers as Richard Boyd Barrett sent a letter to Mary Lou McDonald outlining a potential alliance which puts a progressive, anti-capitalist agenda to the forefront of a future left-wing coalition.

“We’re trying to get elected not rejected you idiots,” explained a Sinn Féin rep, who declined to even read the proposals.

Stating that it has taken years for people to stop calling them IRA Sinn Féin the party are not about to swap that for being known as the Bolshe-thicks.

“Sure, we hung out a few times down the years and we say hello in the corridors, but we’re popular now we can’t be seen in a formal alliance with you,” added the rep, aware that their own party has a reputation for being financially unsound without the addition of PBP as a political wing man.

“We’ve had a serious glow up, have you seen the eyes Fianna Fáil are making at us? Quick, fuck off there now and stop standing so close to us, we don’t want to start smelling like fluoride pamphlets and Noam Chomsky books,” said Sinn Féin shooing PBP away.

Holding back the tears and trying not to show how hurt he was Boyd Barrett vowed to focus on convincing the Social Democrats to back his party’s proposals to increase corporation tax to 85%.