Eamon Ryan To Purchase Climate Credits From Na’vi Tribe Of Pandora


FRESH from saving Ireland from heavy EU fines for failing to hit its carbon emission reduction targets by just purchasing Slovakia’s spare carbon credits, Eamon Ryan has reached out to the planet Pandora for yet more carbon credits.

“The Na’vi are an ecologically conscious people, Ireland could learn a lot from them. For example, how to actually reduce its carbon emissions rather than just finding sly ways to cook the books through carbon credit purchases,” confirmed the Minister for the Environment.

Having purchased magic fairy dust from Slovakia to cover the fact Ireland is failing on all fronts to reduce its carbon emissions, it seemed a no-brainer for Ryan to seek out the inhabitant of the magical alien planet of Pandora.

As part of a visit to Pandora, Ryan presented a tribal chief with a Dublin City bike and an avocado salad while his request to live among the Na’vi permanently was rejected.

“He was crying human water from his eyes. He said don’t make me go back to Leo and Micheál, he described horrid brutish creatures – they let farmers and companies pour effluent into the waterways. We were almost going to let him stay until he tried to get a data centres built here on Pandora for multi-global firms,” explained one Na’vi tribe member, before telling Ryan it’s getting late and he should probably catch the last space shuttle home.

Elsewhere, the Na’vi asked Ryan for tips on how to stop the harvesting of Unobtanium, citing the end to commercial peat production in Ireland as an inspiration.