Favourites To Succeed Nicola Sturgeon

WITH THE sudden and shocking decision by Nicola Sturgeon to step down as Scotland’s First Minister and as leader of the SNP speculation is already rife as to who will replace her.

WWN has collected all the leading runners and riders below:

John Swinney

The deputy First Minister is a favourite among many within SNP circles.

Begbie from Trainspotting

Unlike Sturgeon would never tire of ‘dealing’ with the English. Uneven temper, fondness for drugs and alcohol seen as a vote-winning asset.

Boris Johnson

“I could do with the money” said Johnson of the job vacancy, but insisted he would need help with the move in the form of a number of loans from friends and a stipend to help kit out Bute House in gold wallpaper. There would need to be at least £2 billion in government contracts for his mates to make it worth his while. Oddly, second favourite for the role currently.

Mother from the ‘Well it was one of yas. Disgustin!’ viral video

There’s only one woman who can takeover from Sturgeon and emulate her no nonsense approach. Shouting “which one of yas is undermining Scottish sovereignty when it comes to making its own laws… well it was fuckin’ one of yas” at Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer could ensure Scotland gets its way in the long run.

Lewis Capaldi

What the popular singer lacks in political experience he more than makes up for in his ability to disarm English people with a swear-laden anecdote about anything from being nominated for a Grammy to shitting his pants to installing a military border between Scotland and England.

Trident

A Trident submarine gone rogue, pointing a nuke at London? That’s the quickest route to Scottish independence.

Meghan Markle

It the Scots were really intent of divorcing itself from the English, there really is only one option. Markle is the current favourite at 3/1.