“Hey, Only We’re Allowed Spy On Our People” NSA Tells China


US INTELLIGENCE services are slowly responding to the discovery with a Chinese spy balloon over the skies of America with the NSA particularly incensed.

“So what, you think it’s okay for your little balloon to hover over US citizens and listen in on them without a warrant and invade their privacy regardless of the fact they’ve done nothing wrong? Well, let me tell you Beijing Blimp Boy, that’s our job!” offered an angry NSA spokesperson.

“And you think you’re so clever but we don’t need a big stupid balloon in the sky to avoid warrants, we just use the full force of the US national security infrastructure against our own citizens dipshit!” added the NSA spokesperson, failing to cool down.

The NSA, CIA, FBI, DOJ, IRS and NBA confirmed that while the Chinese can carry covert surveillance of their own people on Chinese soil all they want, the America intelligence calls ‘dibs’ on America.

“If we want to casually follow every aspect of a person’s daily life here in America because they’ve something trivial like pointing out how we’re breaking the law, well we’ll do it, we’ll ruin their damn lives. So to China, we say we don’t need any help but thanks,” said a statement co-authored by the relevant authorities.

Meanwhile, as a precautionary measure Joe Biden has called on a total ban of Made in China balloons and party supplies in the wake of the incident.