Xmas Movies That Could Be Improved With The Addition Of An Irish Character
LIKE the majority of intelligent people you have probably already ear-marked all the movies you’re watching over Christmas on NOW, be they a festive flick or an explosion bonanza of an action movie.
They might have 100% Rotten Tomatoes but there’s no movie that wouldn’t be improved by the addition of an Irish character:
Scrooged – Tiny Tómas, a no nonsense child labour law supporting kid would have Scrooge up before the Workers Relation Commission in no time
Home Alone – if Kevin’s mother was Irish she’d have had the pilot by the neck demanding they turn the plane around pronto or ‘I’ll bleedin’ burst ya’.
Downton Abbey: A New Era – I think we can all agree that the time period of Downton Abbey is perfect for a visiting Michael Collins to swing by on his way to broker the treaty in Westminster.
The Batman – It’s a Christmas movie if we say it’s a Christmas movie! Yes, Colin Farrell did a great job as the Penguin. But wouldn’t it have been better if he’d play him as Irish? Throw in an ‘Ah here Batman, leave it out!’ every now and then.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 – Doctor Robotnik makes a great villain, but what would have really made this movie better is an Irish guard popping up every so often to ask Sonic ‘where’s the fire?’ before doing him for speeding and having no tax’.
The Polar Express: The Polar Express is a magical train that takes children to the North Pole. But go with us on this – instead of a steam train, what if it was a DART? Chaotic yes, but never dull.
A Boy Called Christmas – yes it’s a heartwarming Christmas Classic™ but A Boy Called Nollaig just sounds better, doesn’t it?
Fred Claus – sure, Santa having a criminal for a brother is a solid premise and who doesn’t love Paul Giamatti as Santa but if you’re telling us you wouldn’t enjoy watching Fred Claus if Fred had an Irish best mate robbing toys from the set of the Late Late Toy Show then you’d be lying.