Qatar Wouldn’t Have Bribed FIFA To Hold World Cup If It Knew People From Other Countries Would Turn Up


THE SUPREME COMMITTEE overseeing the running of the World Cup in Qatar have expressed their continued and unending shock and surprise at the fact that hosting the tournament involves people from a vast array of countries turning up.

“At no point did we consider inviting the whole world to Qatar would involve people actually taking us up on the invite and worse, arrive under the mistaken belief they could truly terrifying things like wearing multi-coloured clothing,” said Hassan al-Thawadi, head of Qatar’s organising committee for not realising what an international sports event is.

Feeling an incalculable amount of regret at having wasted money and resources bribing FIFA officials in 2010 in order to host the 2022 World Cup, the Committee admits someone somewhere failed to do the adequate research.

“Even one Wikipedia search would tell you that when you host a World Cup things called ‘fans’ turn up, but that sounds insane to us. We thought a World Cup meant you spend $200bn on making the World Cup fawn over you and tell you how great your human rights abuses are. I nearly died when I heard some players wear armbands,” added al-Thawadi.

“When I heard we had a streaker I was really looking forward to flogging a woman for being naked in public and imprisoning them for 7 years, but it was an even more heinous assault on Muslim values; a man carrying a flag and wearing a t-shirt”.

Elsewhere, Germany, in an effort to end their reliance on being supplied gas and oil by a despotic regime known for its human rights abuses, have chosen Qatar has their replacement partner after dumping Russia.

This prompted the Committee to realise “oh yeah, this sort of thing is why we hosted the World Cup”.