Ruining Your Life With A Tweet, A Guide


Ah, Twitter. Since its inception, millions of people have managed to totally wreck their entire lives with the swipe of a finger- but if you’re still not sure how to get cancelled in 280 characters or less, then follow these steps.

1) Don’t fact check

Yes, you could do a little research into each tweet you send, but that would fly in the face of the rollercoaster ride that is social media. Just tweet it! If you’re wrong, who cares? Sure, a lot of people will be angry with you, maybe your boss might want a word or two, but there’s every chance that as many as six people will give you a ‘like’ on your post. That’s free dopamine right there!

2) Double down

When called to task over something you tweeted by a fellow Twitter user, a hate crime victim or indeed the family of a grieving celebrity that ended their life after an online pile-on that you contributed to, don’t back down. In fact, go harder again; what’s the worst that can happen? If the first tweet has ruined your life, what’s a few more? If anything, your follow-ups should be even more outrageous. You’re a loose cannon, baby! You’re just telling it like it is!

3) Enjoy your new job

So okay, you’ve been booted out of your job for comments made on Twitter that, in a certain light, could be construed as being ‘sexist’ or ‘anti-semitic’. Don’t fret; if you’ve done it right and you’ve got enough Twitter followers to begin with, you can easily parlay this negative energy into a successful career in the media. RTE, Newstalk, VM1, Today FM, they’d all love to have you on as ‘balance’ during arguments that you’ve no experience in. You. Might even get a weekly newspaper column out of it! You’ve made it! It’s all gravy from here! 

PS: What you’re saying on Twitter doesn’t have to be offensive, ill-timed or hurtful to ruin your life. It can also just be really, genuinely stupid.