Children To Burst Into Flames, Beaches Turn To Glass, Exploding Animals; Your Latest Heat Warnings
HUNDREDS of thousands of people will definitely die in the most horrific circumstances imaginable today as temperatures reach an insane 32 degrees, with the possibility of the entire island melting into the boiling sea, Met Éireann forecasts.
Babies in prams will spontaneously burst into flames while household pets will explode into steamy pieces of flesh across the country as Ireland is cindered to a crisp in what would be a below average Spring day in Spain.
“No one will be prepared for this kind of intense heat and people will face a real danger here of being cooked from the inside out,” a Met Eireann spokesperson stated, in a bid to keep everyone calm, “beach sand will turn into shards of sharp glass slicing up anyone that walks on it into tiny little shreds, the heat then cooking their remains like streaky bacon”.
The sea around Ireland is expected to boil giving no solace to desperate humans before many shrivel up on pavements like dried earthworms.
“We urge everyone to dig subterranean tunnels under their homes to cool themselves down,” Met Eireann added, “keep the doors of your fridges open and whatever you do, don’t dare even peek outside as the powerful sun will vaporize anything in its path”.
Meanwhile, environment minister Eamon Ryan confirmed the country’s data centres are expected to make it through today’s heatwave as the country will divert all its water supply and electricity to them.