Local Man Confirms This Is Looking Like An 8-Slab Christmas

COMPLICATIONS arising from covid combined with the natural challenges of Christmas have lead Waterford man Patrick McFallon to state that he sees no way around getting from today until the New Year without a stash of at least 190 cans of beer, WWN can report.

Although McFallon normally buys a maximum of 5 to 6 slabs of cans to get himself through the festive season, his most up-to-date calculations for Christmas 2021 has outlined several instances where additional drunkenness is required, and as such has ‘thrown another 2 slabs onto the pile’.

“It’s a 31-day month, seasonal depression is high, 24 cans per slab times 8 divides back at 6 cans a night, allowing for spillages, lads coming around, in-laws landing, watching Die Hard five times, that kind of thing,” explained McFallon, browsing supermarket websites for the most Christmassy deals on cheap tinned alcohol.

“The pubs are almost certainly going to close, so that means house-drinking. Work sucks, more drinking. The missus is in bad form over covid, the kids are constantly giving out because they can’t go see their friends, I’ve a back problem that I haven’t been able to get an appointment for and it all adds up to more slabs of cans. According to these websites, I’ll be able to buy A bathtub of beer for less than the price of a taxi into town”.

McFallon went on to add that his 8-slab Christmas is a ‘minimum, subject to change’ and also that it does not factor in wine or spirits which are in a category all of their own.