Gardaí Shut Down Hasbeens Operating In Shed


GARDAÍ have uncovered a network of hasbeens operating out of a shed in the north county Dublin area. A perfectly serviceable but illegal bar was found with hasbeens and fame adjacent paraphernalia.

“We found Brian McFadden and Linda Martin chatting away about the time McFadden personally called out ISIS on Twitter,” explained one garda on the scene as Bertie Ahern hovered in the background, refusing to leave.

“The more we explored the premises, the more neglected and spotlight starved celebrity careers we found,” added one garda as he placed 12 long forgotten Louis Walsh related bands in cuffs.

“Five out of ‘Six’ were here, we think the remaining member scaled the wall to escape, but sure we wouldn’t have a fucking clue who he was if we caught him,” added the garda.

The proprietor who was also arrested claimed that the clientele were only permitted in the shed for 15 minutes, but long outstayed their welcome.

“We arrested your man who was in that thing, ah you know him, here hang on we’ll fetch him out of the van,” added another garda as he frog marched a man so unfamous we failed to recognise him even after he insisted he had been in an episode of Love Hate or something.

Gardaí confiscated a number of items including signed photographs of a number of the patrons, which are believed to have a street value of zero euro.