UCD Student Convinced He’ll Pass Exams If He Just Doesn’t Sleep For Next 4 Days

THERE were scenes of calm and tranquility in the UCD library earlier today as second year Agriculture Science student Michael O’Hennan seemingly discovered an easy solution to all his exam worries and woes.

Faced with a tough work load, intimidating study schedule and unforgiving exam schedule, O’Hennan had confessed previously to friends and college peers that he felt his exams would ‘well and truly fuck me into oblivion’ as he felt time was running out when it came to staying on top of things.

However, speaking to WWN, O’Hennan was able to confirm he had found a solution to his study conundrum and spoke with an ease and comfort of a much more relaxed and carefree person to the one who was seen panicking in the library for much of yesterday morning, afternoon and evening under a mountain of Red Bull cans.

“Sleep is a scam set up by the government to control us,” confirmed O’Hennan.

“But I’ve figured it out, if you don’t sleep, you’re not playing their game. And UCD is in on it too, all the colleges man,” the 20-year-old shared, pointing to his new study schedule which saw him using all 24 hours in a given day.

O’Hennan admitted feeling guilty that he was reluctant at first to share his way of cheating the system with fellow students, but was now happy to come clean after realising his method is 100% flawless.

“I’ll pass everything now I’ve freed up all this time. They’ll have to create a new grade for me too, what’s higher than an A? An AA or an AAA? If UCD doesn’t know yet, they better get to researching ‘cus they’ll need to know once they’ve seen my results,” O’Hennan shared while taking notes which looked remarkably like a drawing of O’Hennan wearing a Superman cape and flying into a cow with his fist.