Trump To Have Breakfast, Check Papers, Set LGBT Rights Back 30 Years

IT’S a jam-packed day for the President Donald Trump, who is all set to get out of bed, have his toast and coffee, get dressed, go for a little stroll, read the newspapers, and then sit down and think up the best way to trample over the civil rights of millions of gay Americans.

Having already crossed women and Muslims off his ‘to-do’ list with the reinstatement of the ‘Global Gag’ rule and the implementation of a ban on immigration from 7 predominantly Muslim countries, Trump is expected to turn his focus on the LGBT community, probably soon after he watches a bit of morning television and has his nails done.

Confirming once again that there really is no rest for the wicked, Trump will tip into the Oval office around midday where he will doubtlessly sign yet another executive order, this time to perhaps ban adoption by gay couples, maybe issue restrictions on gay marriage, hell, maybe even make homosexuality illegal in some states.

“Mr. President normally gets in around 11, cracks his perfectly-sized knuckles, and then gets to work hammering on a minority in some way or the other,” said a White House aide, speaking exclusively to WWN.

“He’s already had a go at the Muslims and ‘the broads’, so I can see him kicking back in the Oval Office and saying ‘hmm, let’s have a crack at the homos next'”.

“I must say, we at the White House think it’s cute that he keeps up this air that he’s just freestyling all this off the top of his head, rather than taking a specific set of orders from Bannon and Co. but look, we just leave him to it”.