“We’d Have A Vote On Abortion But We Want To Stay In Power” Confirm Government

THE GOVERNMENT has confirmed it would stage a referendum on the 8th amendment of the constitution tomorrow, if it wasn’t concentrating so hard on staying in power.

Citing its commitment to itself, the government explained that doing things like ‘making decisions’ could come at the price of another election, resulting in a loss of power.

With several Independent Alliance ministers stating they would vote in favour of repealing the 8th amendment, Fine Gael confirmed they couldn’t let that happen.

“I think it’s very irresponsible of the media to confuse the public and make them think that a government is elected to legislate and seek solutions to problems affecting its citizens, that’s not what we’re about at all,” a cabinet spokesperson explained.

“We’ve a responsibility to our pensions first and foremost, to stay in power long enough that we milk it for all it’s worth and this is where the Citizen’s Assembly comes in handy. It gives the appearance that we’re looking into a referendum, but really we’re just happy to kick the can down the road for another year” an unnamed minister confirmed.

The government had agreed to block the AAA-PBP bill on the 8th amendment in return for committing to fast-tracking the findings of the Citizen’s Assembly, expected in the second half of 2017, but the government has confirmed it will find a way to back out of that compromise.

“Sure, we might even announce early next year that the Citizen’s Assembly needs more time than initially thought to consider this highly emotive, and electorally volatile issue,” added the minister.