‘What The Fuck Is A ‘Hard Brexit’? WWN Answers Your Questions

AS speculation on the future financial state of Britain post-Brexit persists, here in Ireland concerns are being raised over whether or not a ‘hard Brexit’ will set off a cataclysmic chain of events that could destroy us all.

But just what the fuck is a hard Brexit? WWN answers our readers questions to bring clarity and much needed common sense to counter the irresponsible fear mongering.

If the Brits go for a hard Brexit, will Gerry Adams voice be dubbed on the telly again?

Christ, we’ve been asked this a lot and honestly don’t know what people are smoking at all. Of course it will.

Will a hard Brexit see Britain remain in the single market?

It’s highly unlikely. Britain will be forced to download the international trade deal equivalent of Tinder.

A weak Sterling… sorry I’m thick as shit, that’s bad right?

Nonsense, you’re not thick as shit, but I do hope you’re asking that question from your nuclear fallout shelter ‘cus the answer ain’t a positive one.

Look, I just want to know, will my children be alright?

Ireland will need to get started immediately on ‘Brexit proofing’ the economy, something the government has already claimed it is doing. However, it seems the Taoiseach is just pulling his hair out, running in circles and screaming the word Brexit. As for your children, your youngest tried to eat her toast with her bum yesterday, so I think you know the answer.

I’m hard, should I be concerned?

Ireland’s hard men will be unaffected by a hard or indeed, a soft Brexit.

So what is a hard Brexit then?

We’re not using a stalling tactic because we don’t know, honestly.

Will I die?

Most certainly. Everybody will die, it’s unavoidable. Hooray!

Can I laugh at the Brits, like, this is funny, right?

Oh it is yes, laugh away there. This is man slipping on the ice on RTÉ News levels of funny.

Some experts say Britain could see £140 billion wiped off their economy, will we have to bail them out?

While your question has no basis in fact, as Ireland would not be obliged to do so, Irish experts on Ireland would not rule the public doing nothing about it if the Taoiseach tried to give Britain £140 billion.

Article 50?

Yes, article 50.

When will the hard or soft Brexit happen?

That’s a question for Theresa May and she doesn’t seem arsed answering it any time soon. Experts are leaning heavily towards predicting the outcome as a very squishy Brexit.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HARD BREXIT?

Alright, Jesus, relax, give us a second, Wikipedia is very fucking slow today, wait now, hang on…there she is! Right, hard Brexit is where continued membership of the single market would not be given to Britain, and shit only gets worse from there as Britain would be forced to forge and make its own trade deals with international partners which may or may not put it at an advantage or disadvantage depending on which Boris Johnson essay you read.