Government To Tackle Homelessness, 8th Amendment, Right After They Solve Chewing Gum On Street


THE GOVERNMENT has made assurances to the Irish public that pressing issues such as homelessness, Irish Water, the 8th amendment and crime rates will all be tackled in due course, but first they have to do something about kids throwing chewing gum on the streets.

“Did you ever get it stuck to the sole of your shoe on a hot day?” asked current Taoiseach Enda Kenny, speaking to a press assembly.

“It’s just terrible. Gets right up into the clogs. I had to spend a half an hour with a lollypop stick trying to clean my shoe the other day, and even when you think you get it all, you still get that stick-stick-stick noise when you walk”.

Although the majority of people in Ireland agree that yes, chewing gum on the streets is unsightly and yes, it is a nuisance, there may be more pressing issues that the government could tackle at the minute, with Kenny quick to stress that these would all be taken care of in due time.

“We simply cannot move forward on these matters until we have clean, gum-free streets,” stated Kenny, unveiling a €50 million anti-gum campaign headed by several lads he went to school with.

“But rest assured, we were elected by the people of this country to serve them to the height of our abilities, to make sure every man, woman and child has the means to live without fear of austerity or oppression, in a society that can provide them with services of the highest standard, and we will make sure that happens. Right after we sort out this pesky gum situation”.