Man Casually Informed By Parents That They Gave Him Whiskey As A Baby “All The Time”


A NEW father may have found the answer to all his issues with life, after his parents casually informed him while visiting their new grandchild that they ‘basically fed him with whiskey’ when he was a baby.

Cathal Marron, 32, and his wife Sarah celebrated the birth of his son Isaac less than a week ago, and the happy couple proudly introduced their new baby to Cathal’s parents at the weekend.

During a moderately intense bout of crying from Isaac, Cathal was told that he too cried a lot as a child, but he was pacified by a combination of Gripe water and ‘a dummy dipped in whiskey’.

The Dungarvan native was cheerfully told that he would ‘quiet right down’ while sucking a dummy soaked in hard liquor, possibly presenting a reason as to why he never did that well in sports or academically; in contradiction to his Mam’s assurances that ‘it never did him any harm’.

“It’s just a bit casual the way they laughed and said they would douse me with whiskey when I was teething,” said Marron, currently 5’4″ tall.

“And what the fuck is Gripe water when it’s at home? Even the name of it is confusing. Does it make me gripe? Do I get it when griping? No wonder I could use a pint 98% of the time”.

Contrary to their laissez faire attitude about giving their son alcohol as a baby, the elderly Marron’s balked in horror at even a joking suggestion that their grandson be given the same.