12 Dead, 27 Injured In Violent UCD v TCD Student Clashes

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GARDAÍ have once again been forced to break up violent clashes between rival universities and mortal enemies, UCD and TCD.

It is believed two rival groups of students bumped into one another in the Donnybrook area of Dublin, and a debate began over which student had the poshest sounding voice. A fight then ensued.

Accusations about who had the right to look down on one another fuelled the clashes as both institutions fell in international education ranking, resulting in 12 students losing their lives.
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“There were monocles on the ground, some serious damage done to several cravats and that’s just the Trinity students,” Garda Gary Finnan explained to WWN.

It is believed DCU, DIT and several other institutions watched on with puzzlement.

“One student died after someone from UCD I think, shoved his degree down the throat of another student, suffocating them. It was madness,” Garda Finnan added.

During the clashes in which countless limp fists were thrown in both directions, students, past and present, were heard shouting the names of some of their universities’ most illustrious alumni.

“Some lad just kept shouting ‘Samuel Beckett’ as if that somehow meant his pass degree in drama studies counted for something, it was very confusing,” Garda Finnan added, surveying the aftermath.

Large numbers of the public were said to be livid when Gardaí intervened and brought an end to the fighting.

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