WWN’s Horoscopes
aries
21 March – 20 April
You decide to get rid of your horoscope this week. We don’t agree with you, but it’s your choice and we respect that.
taurus
21 April – 21 May
Your allergy to answering your phone continues, but your ability to text is unaffected.
gemini
May 21 – June 20
Your Monday ends in a draw, forcing a replay next week.
cancer
June 21 – July 22
Your life got stuck at 57% so you had to stop it and start again.
leo
July 23 – August 22
Indian for dinner = bad idea. Putting baby wipes in the fridge = good idea.
virgo
August 23 – September 22
Staying at home and watching Paw Patrol all day is one of your better recent ideas.
libra
September 23 – October 22
You’ve got your Halloween costume ready, don’t you? You’ve been planning it all year, haven’t you?
scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You are almost 100% sure you just saw H from Steps in Lidl.
sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
You’re happier than anyone should reasonably be at your purchase of a new bin for your kitchen.
capricorn
December 22 – January 19
You adopt a ‘let’s just get this over with’ approach to life that works out really well for you.
aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You’re not allowed try on trousers in the middle of the shop once you get past the age of 9? Thanks for telling us.
pisces
February 19 – March 20
After years of asking everyone, you finally find out what the craic is.