FUTUREWATCH: An Ireland With €13 Billion Extra

IN this edition of WWN’s FUTUREWATCH series, we investigate what an Ireland with €13 billion extra in its coffers would look like.

Soon after the dust settles on the Apple tax ruling, the Irish government attempt to robustly defend its taxation system, asserting that no favourable illegal State aid was furnished to Apple.

The furore surrounding the tax case disappears as the new iPhone is released with a rush to buy and consume the new product. Among the first purchasers of the phone in Ireland are countless people who think Apple’s tax payments in Ireland are a disgrace.

As a result of their strong and unshakable stance, the government bravely spends year after year in court rooms as appeal after appeal is lodged, coinciding with similar appeals made by Apple.

Just as the EU’s ruling looks to be blown out of the water by brave, patriotic members of the government, Ireland’s final appeal against receiving €13 billion in unpaid taxes from Apple fails.

There is dancing in the streets. Babies are named ‘EU ruling’ and ‘€13 billion’, parties are thrown, holiday homes in Croatia, Turkey and Bulgaria are bought on a whim by part time workers with less than €100 to their name.

However, the Ireland with €13 billion extra to spend discovers a shocking revelation: the money must go directly to paying off some of our €190 billion debt. Despite being well flagged on multiple occasions by the media, the public is devastated to learn that the 2008 banking crash and subsequent bailout is ‘still a thing’.

In an attempt to gain votes and support, a crack team of left leaning politicians call for an inquiry into the illegal state aid given to Apple a record 34,567 times in one Dáil session.

After failing to gain to required votes in the Dáil, the crack team led by Gerry Adams break into the EU’s vault and commandeers the €13 billion that legally speaking does not belong to the Irish people.

Quickly, the coalition of left leaning politicians mastermind an escape for the entire nation to the 7th moon of the Terranus planet in the distant Septimus galaxy, and set up a futuristic utopian city with the proceeds of the Apple refunds.

Here Ireland is developed into the Nation it was always meant to be, and against all odds it achieved the impossible; reducing the number of people waiting on trolleys in hospitals by 5 people.