Government To Ignore Latest iOS Update


MINISTER for finance Michael Noonan has clicked ‘close’ on a recent update from Apple, claiming that it’s probably unnecessary and he hasn’t got the patience for dealing with it right now.

The update, recently approved by a European Commission in to the tax affairs of the tech giants, popped up on Noonan’s computer earlier today, and was instantly dismissed by the Limerick TD. The update, dubbed ‘Appletax 13bn’, flashed up a second message asking if Noonan ‘was sure’ he didn’t want to download it, and was again turned down.

The move has baffled many, especially as the update from Apple would enable the Irish system to run a little bit smoother as well as aid the day-to-day operations of several key elements of Irish life, but Noonan insists that ‘everything is running grand as it is’, and he didn’t want updates to come along and ‘mess everything up’.

“You get these updates and all of a sudden you don’t know where you are,” said Noonan, who has his computer running just the way he likes it.

“Sure we don’t need anything from Apple at all. The health system, schools, social services… we have it all where it needs to be, I’m fucked if I’m letting this €13 billion thing from Apple come in and wreck everything. Then we might have to start updating Dell, Xerox, eBay, Phizer… nah, it’s more hassle than it’s worth”.

Contrary to its usual behaviour of Apple reminding users of updates every hour until they finally accept them, the tech company seem perfectly okay with Ireland not accepting 13bn.