HSE Spontaneously Combusts


THERE has been widespread shock and confusion at the news that Ireland’s national health executive, the HSE, has spontaneously combusted.

News agencies learned earlier this morning that at precisely 5.34am, an intense searing sound was heard coming from every part of the HSE, before a huge boom echoed across the Nation.

Eye witnesses described the bewildering and horrifying event to WWN.

“It just combusted there on the spot like,” said one witness, a hospital patient who was going for a cigarette outside Beaumont Hospital in the wee small hours, “there was some creaking, then boom, it like, collapsed in on itself in a giant ball of flames. Actually, it was kind of cool”.

It is believed that after 9 long years of papering over the HSE’s cracks, successive governments had created the perfect conditions for the rare event of spontaneous combustion. The government has privately expressed relief at the fact they no longer have to provide the HSE with €450 in emergency funding just to keep it ticking over.

“This is the first time a horrendously mismanaged health system has actually combusted. We’re kind of impressed,” said lead scientist at London’s Centre for Combustion Studies, Dr. Leon Carver.

“It’s too early to pinpoint a cause for this, but it’s likely the naturally occurring deficiencies within the HSE had a chemical reaction to the oxygen emitted by the minister for health, when he said the HSE would have to live within its means,” Dr. Carver added.

It is believed over 4,000 trolleys and 1,000 middle managers were destroyed in the combustion.