Government Leave ‘How To End Gangland Feud’ Suggestion Box Outside Leinster House

FOLLOWING the latest act of reprehensible violence on the streets of Dublin, weary and ponderous members of the Government have opened up to the public for possible solutions to the gangland problem, WWN has learned.

“What people forget is that gangland crime was invented the day after the Regency Hotel shootings, so it took us all by surprise. This is a very new thing we’re dealing with so all suggestions for ending it are welcome,” explained Taoiseach Enda Kenny as he nailed the suggestion box to the gates of the Dáil.

The Taoiseach added that it was a very lonely experience trying to solve the violence on the streets by himself when absolutely no one from opposition parties, to security and drug policy experts as well as senior Gardaí, have made a single suggestion as to what needs to be done.

“We don’t want any of those outlandish and ridiculous suggestions like ‘provide substantial funding to the guards’, ‘fast track progressive drug laws’ or ‘train more armed guards’. We don’t want time wasters chucking any old nonsense into the box. Above all else, be realistic with your suggestions,” added minister for justice Frances Fitzgerald.

Various government ministers had previously backed the suggestion box plan as it meant they would have less thinking to do themselves, and it has so far seen small queues of people forming since this morning.

Despite the enthusiastic response from the public, leafing through the suggestions has left the government deflated.

“‘Long term strategy’, ‘restore funding’, ‘stop ignoring inner city communities’, ‘maybe consult an expert or two’, Jesus Christ, there’s nothing approaching a solution in this lot at all,” a visibly annoyed minister Fitzgerald said as she threw suggestion after suggestion in the bin.