Single Man Hasn’t Changed Bed Sheets In Over 2 Years


LOCAL Waterford man Sean Shannon has admitted that his bed sheets have remained unchanged for over two years, in large part due to the fact he has been single for that duration of time.

“Sure I’m not bothered by the smell, is there even a smell?” Sean explained to WWN from his rancid and depressing bedroom which the Irish Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has fought to demolish for several years now.

Sean insisted that there is simply no need to change his sheets while he remains a single man and says he has received no complaints from the zero women he has slept with in that time.

“I’m not some lad under the thumb of a woman, who let her boss him around. If I’m happy with the fact my white sheets have turned an odd off white and brown colour then that’s all that matters,” Sean passionately shared.

The average time a single man takes to change the sheets on his bed varies widely, with those men expecting the company of women most likely to turn the sheets inside out, making them as good as new.

“Usually sheets exposed to such levels of body odours and filth would simply disintegrate, but it turns out Sean bought his sheets from the middle aisle in Lidl in 2012, when experimental Soviet era ‘super sheets’ were on sale for 34 cents for a pack of 10,” EPA spokesman Niall Hurley explained to WWN.