5 Business Buzzwords You Should Be Using Right Now


BUSINESS! Almost everyone is part of one. Profits. That’s something businesses want. Buzzwords. The only way you can achieve businessy profiting is by wowing your customer base with words that buzz or as experts refer to them ‘buzzwords’.

We’ve got 6 hot off the press buzzwords that if you’re not already using you really should be you absolute Strangle-bollock.


The hot new business term for when someone is cutting off your potential to create. The average male or female bollock contains sperm which is used to create life. This buzzword is dangerously close to making too much sense.

Use it in a sentence: I had a great new idea for an app, but Martin was being a real strangle-bollock about it.

To Sean something

Invariably a group presentation can be all that is standing between you and some new businessing, but routinely in companies all across Ireland someone called Sean will somehow fuck it up.

Use it in a sentence: Our CEO was really digging that powerpointing with did with excel when we totally synergised some synergy, but then Sean came along and completed Seaned it.

Kangaroo Massage

Kangaroo Massage can be used on any day to day business interaction with an interface or innovator. Encountering a problem? Well then you might need to avail of a kangaroo massage, which involves a superior/mentor taking you into the safety of their pouch where they are free to massage you toward a solution.

Use it in a sentence: I can’t innovate my social media business sales marketing thing, I think a kangaroo massage from Martin, our VP of international business stuff could really help me out.


This one is new to us as well, but apparently it has been used in offices, in Ireland sporadically throughout the last 60 years.

Use it in a sentence: why do you have your Facebook open on your computer. I thought IT blocked that. Could you do some work, please.

Hamster Housing

Most of human civilisation is well aware of the longstanding rumours that Hollywood actor Richard Gere once placed food near, close or in his anus in order to have his bumhole pleasured by his naive and hungry pet hamster.

Hamster housing is similar in that someone at management level places several very subtle clues (crumbs) hinting that they would like to be complimented on their sterling managerial efforts. The pet hamster (underling) fails to see this as a self-gratifying trap laid out by his or her manager for their own benefit and thus the employee begins showering their superior with praise, becoming an unwitting ‘arse licker’. They have become like Richard Gere’s hamster, now housed up their manager’s hole.

Use it in a sentence: Roger really got hamster housed by Geoff after he was looking compliments over the Q4 results, Geoff looked so smug I thought he jizzed his pants right there and then.