Friendly Neighbour Really Starting To Be A Pain In The Hole

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AN outgoing, friendly and helpful Dungarvan man has crossed the line from bearable to complete hole-ache, according to his neighbours who regularly suffer through minutes of his cheerfulness and chatter each day.

Martin Canning, 78, regularly stops and chats with his long-suffering neighbours, who prefer to go about their day without any contact from anyone on their street.

Canning, recently widowed, is one of the last of a generation who actually enjoy interacting with people, and will take any opportunity to chat with the people who will likely share his address until the day he dies.

“Rest assured, if you’re out washing the car or walking the dog and Canning walks by, he’s going to stop and talk to you, ” said one neighbour, who has had it up to here with the friendly old man.

“Like what part of fuck off does he not understand? All I want to do is live here without ever getting to know anyone, or take time from staring at my phone to do something ridiculous like talk to someone”.

Residents of the street have instigated a system of checking out of their windows to see if the friendly old man is in the vicinity before leaving their homes, coupled with a “keep driving” policy if they pull up outside the house and he’s bearing down on them.

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