3 Out Of Every 5 Irish People Are ‘Zero Craic’, Finds Survey


A WORRYING new survey carried out by the Central Statistics Office (CSO) has found that 3 out of every 5 Irish citizens are ‘zero craic’, an incredible 40% decrease since 2000.

Over half of the population were said to be ‘total dry shites’ when it comes to having the craic, and that figure is said to rise over the coming decade.

“We have seen a drastic increase in dry shites since the turn of the century,” James Reeves, lead researcher of the craic survey told WWN. “People have become more politically correct and more aware of themselves and their actions when going out for the night. It’s sad to see our craic disappearing like this: it is part of who we are”.

Mr. Reeves also pointed out a dramatic decrease in ‘craic babies’ being born in Ireland, with only 2,378 babies being treated for craic addiction in 2015.

“We don’t know whether this is a good or bad thing,” he added. “The craic baby epidemic of the late 70s and early 1980’s has brought us some incredible people who were just mad for the session. Now it seems everyone is zero craic lately”.

Speaking in the Dail today, Fianna Fail leader Micheál Martin suggested introducing ‘craic’ back into the nation’s schools as part of a new Leaving Cert curriculum, proposing a new transition year module to entice young people back into the craic.