Unemployed Man Obviously Doesn’t Want A Job


LOCAL Waterford man Eoin Farrington obviously doesn’t want a job because he is unemployed and there are loads of jobs, the local community has agreed.

Farrington, who has spent much of the past two years without a job, can’t possibly want a job due to the fact that if he wanted a job he would just have one, according to claims made by a number of job-having experts.

“He says he’s applied for loads of jobs, but come on like, if he’s doing that then someone is obviously going to hire him,” confirmed employed man Cian Clark, citing his own experience of never being unemployed for any significant length of time as scientific proof that Farrington must be ‘a lazy shite’.

“Jesus, there’s places with jobs coming out of their holes, no one has any excuse at this stage,” explained local employer, Martin Ferris-Quinn, who is currently hiring employees with a minimum of 8 years experience in IT, “the second I see on a CV that someone has been out of work for awhile, I’m sorry, but there’s a reason for that, they obviously aren’t arsed, if you want a job you just get one,” Ferris-Quinn helpfully added.

The 25-year-old Waterford native seems thus far incapable of heeding the advice given to him by a large number of inquisitive friends and family who have suggested that Farrington should ‘apply for a few jobs’.

Farrington, for his part, is set to continue dodging work by scouring the nation’s jobs listings, attending career fairs, jobs fairs, handing in CVs to the local shop only to be rejected, begging for someone to take a chance on him despite having a degree and years of experience, being told JobBridge is great and applying for more jobs in the vague hope that a position will open up that doesn’t seem specially designed to exploit, undervalue and underpay him.

“Fucking typical workshy prick,” observed Farrington’s peers, sick of those on dole stealing a living from taxpayers.