WWN Horoscopes: Election Special!
aries
21 March – 20 April
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If you’re not registered to vote by now, don’t worry; you can still bitch about whoever gets elected over the next five years.
taurus
21 April – 21 May
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That guy that seems to be promising everything you want; lower taxes, scrap water charge, no student fees… he’s your man. Vote for him. Never mind how he’s going to accomplish any of it.
gemini
May 21 – June 20
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You spend the day wandering past election candidates muttering loudly about “the state of the roads around here”.
cancer
June 21 – July 22
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Ring your dad and ask who to vote for. His generation seems to have had a fair grip on these things over the years.
leo
July 23 – August 22
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Be sure to vote for whoever is leading in the opinion polls. You don’t want to vote for someone who loses, do you? That’s not how this works!
virgo
August 23 – September 22
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All this election lark has started to make you think that you’d like to have a go yourself! Prep for GE21 by doing literally nothing for 5 years ,then printing a load of posters. There’s nothing to it!
libra
September 23 – October 22
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You’ve watched so many debates, it’s your default setting to yell CAN I JUST FINISH whenever someone asks you a question.
scorpio
October 23 – November 21
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You were all prepared to give any politicians that landed at your door a good fucking off, but none came! Snapping!
sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
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Admit it. You’ll miss Joan.
capricorn
December 22 – January 19
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At this point you’d abolish water charges just to cease the traffic in town on protest days.
aquarius
January 20 – February 18
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It’s always weird going to your old school to vote. Try not to have too many panic attacks.
pisces
February 19 – March 20
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Oh, you live on Achill Island, do you? Bet you think you’re great, getting to vote a day early. Prick.