WWN Horoscopes: Election Special!

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aries

21 March – 20 April

If you’re not registered to vote by now, don’t worry; you can still bitch about whoever gets elected over the next five years.  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

That guy that seems to be promising everything you want; lower taxes, scrap water charge, no student fees… he’s your man. Vote for him. Never mind how he’s going to accomplish any of it.

gemini

May 21 – June 20

You spend the day wandering past election candidates muttering loudly about “the state of the roads around here”.

cancer

June 21 – July 22

Ring your dad and ask who to vote for. His generation seems to have had a fair grip on these things over the years.  

leo

July 23 – August 22

Be sure to vote for whoever is leading in the opinion polls. You don’t want to vote for someone who loses, do you? That’s not how this works!  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

All this election lark has started to make you think that you’d like to have a go yourself! Prep for GE21 by doing literally nothing for 5 years ,then printing a load of posters. There’s nothing to it!  

libra

September 23 – October 22

You’ve watched so many debates, it’s your default setting to yell CAN I JUST FINISH whenever someone asks you a question. 

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You were all prepared to give any politicians that landed at your door a good fucking off, but none came! Snapping!  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Admit it. You’ll miss Joan.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

At this point you’d abolish water charges just to cease the traffic in town on protest days.  

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

It’s always weird going to your old school to vote. Try not to have too many panic attacks. 

pisces

February 19 – March 20

Oh, you live on Achill Island, do you? Bet you think you’re great, getting to vote a day early. Prick.  

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