WWN Horoscopes
aries
21 March – 20 April
You may have to go it alone this week champ, we are hungover as fuck right now.
taurus
21 April – 21 May
See your future? Pal, we can barely see straight this morning.
gemini
May 21 – June 20
“You will stay for one after the rugby is over”, there’s a horoscope that we can confirm is bullshit.
cancer
June 21 – July 22
You learn an important lesson this week; don’t do Jagerbombs on a school night. Wish we’d known that.
leo
July 23 – August 22
We’ll tell you how good we are at predicting things; we don’t need to look at our bank account to know we beat the shit out of it last night.
virgo
August 23 – September 22
This isn’t very professional of us, but do you have any Anadin? Dying here.
libra
September 23 – October 22
Breakfast roll would go down pretty well right now.
scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Our predictions for the year; never drinking again.
sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
OH CRAP. Would you just look at our Facebook from last night.
capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Brilliant. We’ve messaged our ex and told them we still love them. That’s wonderful, that is.
aquarius
January 20 – February 18
WHHHHHYYYYYYY won’t this day end
pisces
February 19 – March 20
Few scoops will sort this right out.