10 Things We Know About Tonight’s Toy Show

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THE Nation is once again abuzz with anticipation for the sensory overload that is the Late Late Toy Show, but the content of this year’s show, as with any other year, is still very much under wraps. However, we here at WWN have managed to get our hands on 10 essential nuggets of behind the scenes information:

1) This year’s theme was much speculated on but we have the exclusive thanks to our Toy Show insiders. This year’s theme will of course centre around a hugely popular film close to the hearts of many viewers – 50 Shades of Grey. S&M toys will feature heavily throughout the broadcast, with the Elsa from Frozen gimp mask in serious demand.

2) A date on the calendar much anticipated by Irish toy retailers, the Toy Show this year is estimated to be worth €47 billion to the Irish economy. Amazing stuff.

3) As most Toy Show viewers are aware as much as 84% of child performers and toy testers on the show fall into the spiral of drug addiction, so this year marks the first year of the official Toy Show Drug Recovery Programme in association with the Betty Ford Clinic in LA, which will see performers sent immediately to Hollywood after the show ends where they will undergo an intensive rehab programme.

4) Host Ryan Tubridy will of course don a Christmas jumper and we can reveal that the jumper was made in conjunction with Penneys and made by their expert designer Gupta Singh, aged 6. So much detail for such small hands! Whether it can top Gay Byrne’s 1989 Toy Show jumper which was made entirely from human flesh remains to be seen.

5) Each performer and toy tester will take to the stage with a specially prepared cocktail of drugs to ‘take the edge off’ as the pressure of performing in front of the Nation can prove overwhelming. A minimum of 4 valiums per child will be used.

6) Security is incredibly tight for this year’s show with armed Garda units protecting the studio given recent events. This was prompted in the aftermath of yesterday’s dress rehearsal, which saw a desperate Gay Byrne try to enter the studio and take over presenting duties from Ryan Tubridy.

7) There are some serious rumours circulating that audience members are in for some great prizes tonight, including having whatever negative equity they’re in completely written off.

8) The tradition of taking all the toys used on the Toy Show to an orphanage after the show is finished will continue. Once there, host Ryan Tubridy will light all the toys on fire in front of the orphans in a moving display, which acts as a telling metaphor for life, teaching the children that life is hard and not always fair, and that sometimes there’s fire.

9) Special surprise guests lined up for tonight’s show include the Dalai Lama, Barack Obama, Taylor Swift, the phone from Adele’s Hello video and Marlon Brando.

10) Wembley Stadium and Madison Square Gardens are both sell outs tonight as the Irish expat community pay to see the Toy Show broadcast live around the world. Some 85,000 Irish people will be packed into Wembley. Classic Toy Show!

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