Waterford Thief ‘Gutted’ Name Not In Top 200 Burglars List

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AN EXPERIENCED Waterford thief has been left gutted by his omission from a Garda list of the Nation’s top 200 burglars.

Eoin Hanley, spoke to WWN while he was carrying a flat screen TV out of the front window of a house, presumably belonging to himself, and immediately expressed his disappointment

“Ah, I’m not one of these arsehole criminals who thinks he’s all that boi, I know I’ll likely never be a top 5 thief like, but Jesus, I thought I was a shoe in for the top 200,” Hanley explained.

While the Gardaí would not formally confirm the reasons for Hanley absence from the list, compiled in an effort to cut down crime, it is believed his insistence on targeting well populated, urban areas make him easier to catch and thus an inferior criminal to those thieves that purposely target rural areas which have suffered hugely from cuts to Garda resources in the last few years.

“Well, first off, he cuts the plugs off everything he nicks, that shows a lack of self-confidence in himself and it also adds on a few seconds to his quickest burglary time,” explained a Garda source who didn’t wish to be named.

“I know Eoin, but he has to diversify as well, he has no idea the money that can be made from robbing expensive farm equipment from way out in the sticks, we haven’t a hope of catching someone who does that on the regular,” confirmed the Garda.

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