Council Hope Opening Of New Lush Stores May Greatly Enhance The Smell Of Dublin

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IN A LAST attempt to save the city from smelling like an absolute kip, Dublin City Council has offered a series of generous incentives and tax breaks to cosmetics company Lush, in a bid to entice the skin care giants to open some fragrant new shops.

In that thirty or so seconds it takes to walk past a branch of Lush, city folk are treated to fresh, clean aromas in a fleeting but memorable olfactory wonderland.

Lush stores in Dublin are currently the only locations in the city where passers-by comment on how nice it smells, before continuing their walk into the usual city smellscape, becoming overwhelmed by the whiff of traffic pollution, the river Liffey, pissed-on footpaths and the general stink of too many people.

Council bosses are hoping that the opening of 37 new Lush stores, strategically placed at some of the dirtiest, smelliest parts of the city, could create enough clean fragrance in the air to enhance the smell of the entire city.

“The majority of stores will be along the riverside,” said Jim Hislop, who first brought the plan to Lush.

“Thus hopefully counteracting the smell of seagull shit and Temple Bar. If we got that much, at least, it’d be a start. Lush has been offered a zero percent rate of corporation tax, lowered levees, free waste disposal, and lowered rent on their choice of properties. We’ll make this city smell like lavender if it kills us”.

Although the city’s budget does not include such an audacious plan, to date, literally not one person has objected to it.

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