ISIS Radicalising Irish Seagulls

Share:

THE Government’s worst fears have been realised following the revelation that the rise in aggressive and violent seagull behaviour can be directly linked to the fact they have been recruited and radicalised by ISIS.

Sources close to the Department of Defence can confirm that ISIS, whose nascent caliphate shows no signs of being defeated, first approached Ireland’s seagull population in Dun Laoghaire in June.

“Do not leave your house until the situation is resolved,” Enda Kenny told the Nation in a live emergency address as the Irish army took to the streets.

Armed with an abundance of 99 ice creams an ISIS agent coaxed the winged weapons into conversation, and before long both parties realised they had a similar disdain for Western life and non-secular ideals.

While details are only just emerging it is believed ISIS have promised Iris seagulls the pick of left over food and permission to shit wherever they please in exchange for waging a terror campaign on the Irish public.

It is believed seagull in the UK have made a similar deal, and have since converted religion with their Irish counterparts to form their own extremist organisation Islamic Seagulls (IS).

ISIS and IS are believed to be in regular communication with one another and so the UK and Ireland are faced with an increased terror threat level.

Most disturbingly of all IS have embraced ISIS practices as evidenced in their continued beheading of ice creams in targeted attacks.

Share:
X