New Irish Army Recruits Now Fully Qualified To Spin Around Town In Jeep


THE latest batch of recruits for the Irish Army have completed their final round of training, and are now fully qualified to spin around town in a jeep for no apparent reason.

While many of their fellow privates will be assigned to peacekeeping missions in countries that they had never heard of before they joined the defence forces, a squad of the country’s most highly trained killing machines will spend the next year driving around aimlessly, while decked out in full camo gear.

Following their graduation, these specially selected soldiers will undergo a further two months of intensive training, where they will learn the basics of sitting in the back of a 4WD staring dolefully out of the window at the passing traffic while pulled over to the kerb in the middle of whatever town they’re stationed in.

“Yeah, some of the lads and lassies I’ve trained with are being shipped out to Eritrea next week, I was all like no thanks,” said Private Owen Shields, who has been assigned to jeep duty in Dundalk for the next 18 months.

“It’s basically sitting in traffic. Every now and then, like once a month or whenever, you might have to get out of the jeep while a Brinks van is taking money into a bank or something like that. But usually I just sit back while the lad driving does laps of the town”.

Chief officers of the Irish defence forces have defended the money pumped into the ‘Lads in Jeeps’ programme, stating that no foreign invading force has ever attempted to mount an invasion of Irish towns which had five soldiers driving around it in a Land Rover.