WWN Event Guide

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Here’s what’s happening around the country this weekend:

Nationwide

Ireland’s Worst Cinema. Ireland’s cinemas compete this weekend to see who can be crowned the worst in the entire country. The public are encouraged to attend this weekend and then vote according to some of the following criteria: terrible sound which bleeds in from the movie in the next screen, a light from the projection room cast down on the screen for no good reason, 4-year-old pix and pic which could possibly kill you and staff who really don’t care about anything, literally nothing.

Dublin

Christmas Market Market. Are you thinking of opening up a Christmas market in Ireland adding to the already 6,000 strong markets presently operating in the country? Well get yourself down to City West, where the Christmas Market Market has all you will ever need to set up a market of your own. Do you need plywood sheds? Endless amounts of worthless tat that may very well be toxic to children, but we’re not arsed checking and of course fake snow and an overweight alcoholic fat man who will dress as Santa.

Waterford

Paddy Browne’s pub continues its season of great live music with Nicki Minaj. The singer is expected to do no singing, but we have it on good authority that she will allow you to pet her bottom for the reasonable price of €4,000. Support comes from The Saw Doctors. Admission is €10 at the door and €8 if you book online.

Waterford/Dublin

Waterford’s Ugliest Baby competition has been moved to the 3 Arena in Dublin due to the number of eligible participants. Entry is €10 per child and a truly great prize on offer to the parents as they will be offered the chance to spend €30,000 on plastic surgery.

Dublin

Speed Dating is taking place in the Wright Venue over the weekend. A great way to meet fellow speed users. It’s €15 entry on the door and participants must bring their own supply of speed.

Wicklow

Brian McFadden book signing. Publisher looking for actors to pose as genuine fans of Brian’s, so if you’re looking to earn a few extra euros or simply want to point and laugh head off down to Fallon Books In Wicklow on Sunday.

Kerry

The search is on for Ireland’s most incomprehensible accent. First stop on the nationwide tour is Kerry. Get yourself down there this Saturday & Sunday as organisers don’t see the winner coming from anywhere else. First prize is elocution lessons.

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