US Cops Almost Manage Two Whole Months Without Shooting A Black Teenager


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RACIAL tensions in the United States were eased somewhat today, as the police forces managed to make it almost two whole months without gunning down a black teenager.

Officers congratulated themselves on a seven week clean stretch between the shooting dead of the last black teenager, and the tragic death of the latest victim, a 12-year-old boy who had been brandishing a replica gun in a public park.

Tamir Rice, 12, died on Sunday from gunshot wounds received on Saturday, when a Cleveland police officer shot him twice in the chest while responding to a 911 call about a youth with a fake gun.

The death of Rice follows the death on 8th October in St. Louis of 18-year-old Vonderrit Myers, Jnr, which itself came after the August 9th shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, which was followed by several weeks of protests and civil unrest.

Resetting the “Days Since We Last Shot A Black Teenager” board back to zero, a representative for the Department of Justice was upbeat that the 8 week average could eventually be stretched out for another few days, maybe even a week.

“We’re really working on keeping the amount of black kids we shoot down to a minimum, but these things happen,” said Jarrod Mackenzie, representative for a police force which kills 21 times more black teenagers than white ones”.

“After a black kid gets shot, there’s a period where we’re very careful to not shoot another; we fire warning shots, maybe shoot them in the leg or something like that… But after a few weeks we slide back into the old shoot first and ask questions later routine, and that’s when we have to reset the clock and start over”.

Mackenzie went on to add that he hoped the rate of black kids being shot would stay at one every two months or so, or else the public might get the impression that cops just don’t give a shit when it comes to shooting black people.