Noonan Returns Victorious From Fight To The Death With IMF’s Strongest Man
IT IS like something from the pages of a Greek tragedy crossed with a really deadly Bruce Lee movie – the sight of minister for finance Michael Noonan leaving these shores to challenge the evil forces of the IMF, fully aware that he would have to fight someone in a death match to repay a portion of Ireland’s loans early was indeed a sombre vista.
The Irish public have known for some time that Noonan, as acting Finance Minister, would be tasked with negotiating a debt deal for Ireland with the IMF, but it was only in the recent days we learned that these negotiations became very unconventional to say the least.
Noonan, was tasked with fighting Claus Von Trumperdink, a 7ft 8in tall IMF official, in a fight to the death. Von Trumperdink had fought in three previous debt renegotiations, killing all opponents. It was unlikely Noonan would be victorious, but were he to emerge triumphant Ireland would be graciously allowed pay some of its debt back early.
As is custom with all IMF debt/death fights, the challenger, in this case Noonan, got to choose the combat style. The TD chose Sumo wrestling as his preferred style as he felt he would have the best chance in this discipline.
It is believed the minister sought out the advice of MMA fighter Conor McGregor and adopted a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fighting style.
“A brave victory, we thank Michael from the bottom of our empty bank accounts,” the Taoiseach told the media upon learning of Noonan’s victory, which came about after he suffocated his opponent using a special technique called the ‘belly roll’.
This represents the most joyous of victories in recent years for Ireland and it was expected that every man, woman and child would queue up to shake the hand of the minister upon his return.
It is thought the Government will draw little attention to the fact that they should perhaps test the legitimacy of the Irish public having to foot the bill for the €64 billion given to toxic Irish banks.
There has been confusion as to why the IMF have pursued this particular way of solving repayment issues, but a WWN source has confirmed that the IMF have simply become very bored by mundane everyday negotiations and sought to ‘shake up’ the process.