In the interest of fairness, Bayern Munich manager Pep Guardiola has proposed that his team play the first leg of the Champion’s League Quarter Final against Manchester United with just 7 players.
He said “If we go out there 11 on 11 and play 90 minutes, we will annihilate them. If that happens then I seriously doubt the Manchester United players will ever be able to look at themselves in the mirror ever again. I don’t think I could do that to another human being.”
The former Barcelona man’s comments stunned the press conference packed with European journalists into absolute silence.
He went on, “It may sound like overconfidence, but I imagine that the Manchester United players will forget what the ball feels like at their feet if we line up evenly. Poor David De Gea will probably develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with the amount times the ball will be thumped at him.”
The Spaniard’s remarks come with a wealth of statistics in his team’s favour. Last Tuesday the Bavarian’s retained the Bundesliga title with a 3-1 win over Hertha Berlin making 1098 passes.
Over the season Bayern have had an average possession of 71% and a pass success rate of 89%. They are unbeaten in the Bundesliga and have scored 82 goals while conceding only 16.
Manchester United on the other hand, are enduring their worst season in 20 years with the majority of fans clamouring for change.
There has been no response from the Manchester United camp as of yet, but manager and joke David Moyes is apparently seriously considering the offer.
A source within club told WWN that Moyes is acutely aware of the effect playing the Germans could have on the club.
“The board are pressing him to take Guardiola up on his offer, but Moyes has a cunning plan of his own. He’s going to turn up to Old Trafford with just 5 players saying the others are all sick. Hopefully, this will force Bayern Munich to let some of their second-string players play for Manchester United for the game.
UEFA President Michel Platini is allegedly the driving force behind Bayern Munich’s offer. Viewing figures for the match look set to be at an all-time low.
Prospective advertisers are aware that people are not interested in watching the finely tuned athletes of Bayern Munich obliterate the equivalent of newborn babies of Manchester United.